Top 5 : Twisted Non-Ghost Pokedex Entries

Hey little subjects, sorry it has been a while, my kingdom is kind of falling apart as of late.  My trustworthy laptop Sir Lappington has broken.. or well at least it’s screen is gone and being an old troubled beasty, it is time to say goodbye. Not having money this process however is taking its fair share of time. Luckily a friend of mine we shall name Bear borrowed me a screen to hook up to it. Unfortunately a lot of time is now spend on making back ups, finding new laptops and liberating money. So expect a bit of an irregular upload schedule for a little while.  Today however I have a brand new top five for you, something that fits my somewhat glum mood. The top 5 darkest pokedex entries. Yet there is a twist, because all the darkest pokédex entries and the most well known ones are ghost types. So today we will focus on the others!

Twisted Entry Number 5:  Metapod

Most of you know Metapod, the Gen I cocoon pokémon that probably annoyed you as a kid because it only knows .. or at least spams harden. It  only moves very minimally and if you catch it .. it doesn’t move at all . Pokémon Snap showed us how it can descend from a tree using string shot but even then it just descents not moving a muscle.  If you think that is because it’s a cocoon and I can not move, you are wrong. According to the Pokémon Sun pokedex and I quote: 

Its shell is filled with its soft innards. It doesn’t move much because of the risk it might carelessly spill its innards out.’

That’s right subjects if this little green bean looking thing tilts over it’s innards will spill out. Which are so soft they are basically a liquid. While Pokémon Moon describes the shell as breakable.. which would be a major problem for this pokémon, so it has to avoid massive battles,  Pokémon Ultra Moon adds a bit to the darkness scale. It basically states that while tiny bird pokémon can not even crack its shell a tiny bit, that same attack will make it fall over.. causing its insides to spill out. While it’s not stated that Metapod would die from this.. losing your organs seems pretty fatal to me, yet even if we consider that it could do without looking back and it’s earlier pokedex entries state that is has to ready it’s innards for evolution. In other words IF .. and  we are already making things look brighter than they actually are here, Metapod doesn’t need its organs and it’s just evolution juice.. it still means that as soon as this pokémon tips over ONCE.. it can never evolve anymore and is always stuck as a unmoving Metapod. I do not know which fate is worse.

(So that makes this a Deadapod)

Twisted Entry Number 4: Slowbro

Another Generation I pokemon that got twisted by the wonderful minds that made the Gen VII dex entries is Slowbro.  You know that lovable pink goofball that evolves from a Slowpoke once it’s delicious tail has been bitten by a shellder? Well this  pocket monster has it rough. The synapses of it’s pre-evolution are already quite slow.. taking about five seconds to feel any form of pain, it’s a lovable goofball that just loves laying about and things do not seem to change much it just fuses with a Shellder into a symbiotic thing?  I wished for Slowpoke this was it’s fate, but unfortunately the pokemon Sun Pokédex Entry states:

It spaces out while gazing at the sea. With Shellder poison flowing through its body, it becomes even spacier.

In other words, Slowbro is a pokémon that is constantly to experience a personality diminishing high, as it does gain more intelligent .. for a brief moment as explained in Moon’s dex entry where it has a moment of clarity upon being bitten, but then all memories fade away. Slowbro is also one of the few Pokémon that can devolve if the Shellder on its tail ever lets loose. Which is neat for Slowpoke in the wild I guess but for a trainer that is absolutely terrible, other trainers can just knock of the shell to return it back to a mediocre slowpoke. Ouch…. well ouch after give seconds.However a Shellder doesn’t want to let go. Ultra Moon describes the Shellder on a Slowbro’s tail as a greedy being, who loves to suck more and more sweetness from Slowbro’s tail. Basically it’s addicted to the delicacy of Slowpoke tail.. and as we know Team Rocket cuts of these tails to sell them on the black market as high quality food as well so it all does line up. While Slowbro has some amazing stats  to work with it’s symbiotic relationship basically involves having , what little bit it had of, its personality being deleted by a constant poison in it’s system while it’s tail is being sucked dry of it’s essence. All it gets is one moment of enlightenment.. and that is gone after a few seconds. Poor poor Slowbro.

(Mega Slowbro …because Mega Evolution is cool kids!)

Twisted Entry Number 3:  Komala

The cutest little Koala pokémon you have ever seen is one that is arguably debatable. Komala does not suffer, probably, it does not experience pain, probably and it doesn’t seem to have a care in the world as it clutches to it’s little log like a baby to their first plushie. It is known as the Drowsing pokémon.. but that is a falsehood because Komala never drowses.  To drowse is to be half asleep and Komala is unable of that. The move Yawn can make a pokemon drowsy but this move doesnt work on Komala either. No .. it’s not an insomniac, that would be dark enough. It’s ability Comatose already reveals what you can expect but boy does Komala trump that name. Pokémon Sun quote incoming:

It is born asleep, and it dies asleep. All its movements are apparently no more than the results of it tossing and turning in its dreams.

While it is born into this world, Komala never EVER experiences this world. It will never wake, it will never know it’s trainers face and no one in the canonical world of Pokémon has EVER seen a awake Komala. The log is a gift from its parents which it clings onto in a dreamlike state. If the dreaming Komala gets close enough to their trainer.. or their dream interpretation of it , it will cling to them as well but never is it fully aware. It just dreams something that sort of aligns with reality. While Komala probably never really suffers, not experiencing reality seems like a pretty dark. The reason that this little grey fellow will never wake up is because it only eats the leafs of a plant that are a powerful sedative, as stated by Pokémon Ultra Moon. Komala’s fate is to fall into increasingly deep stages of sleep until it as Ultra Sun states..it stops moving all together. 

(Komala sleeps like a log..forever and ever..)

Twisted Entry Number 2: Bewear

Oh Bewear another Sun and Moon pokémon, (what else did you expect by now)  that has a very dark story to tell. This one however is not only telegraphed through the pokédex but troughout the entire Alola region. Warning signs can be found throughout the Alola region and  the theme of it’s entire evolution line is Irony. It starts out as a stufull a pocket monster based on a teddy bear that hates to be hugged or touched intensely.  Wielding tremendous power, it will flail about when hugged and those flailing paws have enough strength to take down a pro wrestler or even split trees in half.  Stufful is being described as an incredibly dangerous pokémon by the pokédex, clearly it doesn’t look like the face of danger. When it evolves however it gets a lot worse.

This Pokémon has the habit of hugging its companions. Many Trainers have left this world after their spines were squashed by its hug.

This quote is the Moon dex entry for the now bipedal bear. It is a pokémon that is SO strong.. it doesn’t even comprehend its own strength. The problem is, the pokémon now deeply desires to hug, therefore it’s habitats are off limit throughout Alola. Pokémon Sun calls it immensely dangerous while Pokémon Ultra Moon pronounces it THE most dangerous  pokémon known in the region. This would be okay for the pokémon I guess if it has a predatory nature, but it just wants love. This implies that this pokémon is doomed to be unhappy either way. Either it gives love and kills or it gets denied love and dies sad and alone. There is no winning here. In fact it knows it can not help itself but to claim a hug, and it tries to warn trainers by flailing it’s arm in an intimidating matter. It wants to love.. but it KNOWS that it love is deadly, yet it can not stop itself by its very nature . The final pokedex entry for Bewear goes :

It waves its hands wildly in intimidation and warning. Life is over for anyone who doesn’t run away as fast as possible.

Pokemon Ultra Sun
(Free is a big word when Hugs cost you your life)

Twisted Entry Number 1: Sliggoo

When this slug dragon was introduced in generation VI , it did not seem to have a lot of trouble. It’s eyesight was incredibly bad  and sure it could fire acids at his opponents that would dissolve stuff but we’ve seen worse. Sliggoo is the evolved form of Goomey.. the weakest dragon type pokémon (aww poor thing)  it’s just an orb of slime that needs to stay moist to be able to breath..it will suffocate in the bright sun (can you guess which version added that bit of trivia yet?) so it sticks to caves and damp places. As a result when it becomes a Sliggoo it’s eyes devolve rendering it virtually blind.  ‘Pinkie surely being blind can’t give it the top spot when we have a liquid organ thing and a permanently asleep pokémon there? That would be silly’ Well my friends.. it is time for YET ANOTHER Sun Entry.

It has trouble drawing a line between friends and food. It will calmly try to melt and eat even those it gets along well with.

While a Bewear will kill anyone…  Sliggoo eats it’s friends! Somewhere inside it’s brain can’t distinguish the line of food and friends and it cant even see what is is doing either.  How does he do it? Pokémon Moon has the answer : This Pokémon’s mucous can dissolve anything. Toothless, it sprays mucous on its prey. Once they’re nicely dissolved, it slurps them up. It can dissolve ANYTHING so you as it’s trainer are not an exception in fact if you walk with it it a lot.. leaving it out of it’s pokéball will spell inevitable doom for you as a trainer as  you are reduced to goo .. to be slurped up by your loving pokémon. It is unaware of what is is doing because somewhere in that brain of his .. friends equal food.. That’s seems like a pretty rotten fate to suffer to me. Having my spine snapped would at least be quick. Turning into pudding to be gobbled up seems like a pretty nasty way to go.  The biology of the creature is quite special too. It’s organs and brains are in the shell like goop glob on it’s back. Sliggoo also does not have ears or a nose, it uses some sort of radar system with its four horns. So while it can perceive you ..it has none of the tools to sense your distress. When it dissolves you it can not even hear you scream and it will proceeded to slurp you up happily.

(Taking love goes trough the stomach a bit too litteral there Sliggoo)

Question to my Readers:

What is your favorite Dex-Entry

Thank you Sun and Moon for those happy little images! You really know how to make a happy little game. While I do hope I haven’t traumatised my subjects beyond belief.. I am still a princess and really good at this so.. I will probably see you, after some hot cocoa and marshmallows, in the next post! 

The Pinkest Poké Blogger is blasting of again
XO
Pinkie

5 thoughts

  1. Oh, wow. I didn’t realize there was this much fridge horror in Pokemon. It makes the universe far creepier in hindsight with those examples. I didn’t even know about those facts with Metapod and Slowbro. This post certainly works for Halloween.

    Also, what did you think of that Pokemon cosplay wrestling match I linked the other day?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well aside from me not getting wrestling very much I had a good chuckle at the match, basic costumes that worked very well still. All in all a fun watch! Thanks for the link!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s fine. I thought it was funny and I’m glad you liked it, too. I would’ve never found out about it had I not have reviewed the Eddie Dennis documentary on my Iridium Eye blog. That’s the guy who was Charizard, by the way. You’re welcome. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Glad Sir Lappington is working in the interim. Worst case, Raspberry Pi’s are quiet affordable and surprisingly capable devices. I had a system failure a few years ago and ran all my activities on a Pi for almost a year. Hang in there and keep trying Pinkie!

    Liked by 1 person

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